expectations

Almost through week 2 of school and I am hanging on for dear life. The teachers were not shy about piling the workload on, high! Someone asked me the question how do you do it all? raise a toddler? work part-time night shifts with little and sometimes no sleep before and after these shifts? and now, do full load doctoral courses? The answer is simple, I don't, do it all that is.

If you came to my house you would see that my lawn needs mowing, my weeds need pulling, my dog needs walking, my house needs some deep (and who are we kidding, basic) cleaning, especially my bathrooms. I have a baby blanket to sew for my little one and a 2nd year of life photo book to make. I have weight to lose from having a baby 1 1/2 years ago, muscles to tone and a husband and baby I need to get fat. I have a refrigerator that needs cleaning, blinds that need dusting. Should I go on? It seems as if everyone has expectations for me to give the very best me I can give, which frankly right now is asking a little too much. Don't you hate it when people say "give your best and your best is good enough"? That is frustrating because sometimes I just don't want to give my best, not even close, sometimes I just want to watch t.v., eat lots of cookies and bribe my child to snuggle in bed with me in the mornings with Sesame Street and a "bah-bah" because I am too tired to get out of bed. On the days I am not required to be somewhere (work, school, church) I will stay in my pajamas all day just because they are comfortable, oh and I especially love not having to put on a bra. I do get Eliza dressed though only because her clothes are cute and I love seeing her get my money's worth out of them. I go over my budget almost every month, I eat too many calories in a day most days and I usually sit on pinterest or blogs much longer than I should (of course not now that I have started school, wink, wink). I never put the lid on the toothpaste properly which results in gobbs of toothpaste all over our bathroom counter. 7 out of 10 times I forget to floss. I use way too much toilet paper (according to Colin). I have half a dozen unfinished home reno projects to finish. Most of the time the clothes get folded and then sit out on the living room table until they are all worn and the cycle repeats over and over. But, if guests come over I clean like a mad woman just so I can pretend for a brief moment that I always live so neat and tidy.

But, inspite of all my flaws, there is one thing I am good at and that is being Eliza's mom. Being her mom is the one thing that fills me with the most joy and brings out all of my best qualities. She thinks I am pretty just the way I am. She gives me lots of kisses and hugs. She thinks I am smart and funny and laughs at all of my silly faces and voices and jokes. She makes me think that out of all the balls I am juggling, I am doing at least one thing right and best! I realized that she has no expectations on me to have a clean house, be skinny, or cutely dressed. She doesn't need me to have a perfectly manicured and decorated house, or homemade dresses and blankets etc. She gets plenty of "I love you's", cuddles, hugs, kisses, books read to her, games played with her, walks, songs sung to her, meals prepared for her and every ounce of energy and love that I and her dad can give to her to make sure her needs are meet and beyond. She thinks that what I do everyday is good enough and I know that because she is thriving, growing, developing, learning, laughing and full of life, joy and happiness.

So I can't do it all but yet somehow the things that matter most get done and the rest just is what it is I suppose. So if you are ever in Heber, you are welcome to visit and bring a broom with you, will ya? Actually nevermind the broom, just bring some cookies!